Die as HSP with dissociation

Some people don't want to be busy with death. Other people find it an interesting subject. Because of my interest in (para)psychology, I find death interesting, even if it is not a tangible event. As HSP, I have noticed a gloomy atmosphere from an early age, in the family in which I grew up. I always had the impression that my parents would rather be dead than they were alive. Now that I am 62 years old and making progress with my therapy, I understand the presence of the mental disorders PTSD, (open and hidden) narcissism, codependency, gaslighting (cunning manipulation technique of hidden narcissism) and TPS in the family I grew up in. My parents lived in a time of poverty and most likely had a hard time with the changes from Indonesia to the Netherlands in 1962. They were mentally overloaded. I realize that life and death exist at the same time in life. For example, trees can have dead and young leaves at the same time. Being born and dying are natural events that happen somewhere every day, in our world of about 7 billion people. I have not experienced my birth in a conscious way, but I will experience death in a conscious way. As HSS, I want to try and experience. I'm not only curious about the rest of my life. But I am also curious about the process of dying when it is my time. My curiosity is greater than my fears. I follow the motto: confront, process and continue. By confronting I have less problems with my fears.