Body Dysmorphic Disorder - Memoir

I drank the cider hoping it would calm me down but it wasn't making anything better. I just looked like a monster and my heart was racing. I felt sick with nerves. I looked up at the clock, I still had hours before I had to leave. So I started again with my face and I went through the usual ritual yet every time I did it I looked disgusting and I couldn't bear to be seen looking that way. So I started again, and again, and I cried and collapsed on the bathroom floor holding my face in my hands wishing and praying that it would heal.