Becoming: a Journey of Gender and Spirit

Becoming . To come into being. A verb, a doing word. A process, an energy, requiring effort and commitment. A challenge. Our purpose. The pages of this book detail a journey, a pilgrimage, an evolution. This journey is without a final destination, but certainly not without clear purpose. It began with the yearning to become whole, and not with any intention to live as a woman. My pursuit of wholeness is without end, a dynamic process that became a consuming passion, and will last until my final breath. Although initially not focused on a change in gender, this path did lead to the acceptance that I am female and always have been female. This acceptance brought an inner peace, a physical health, an outer radiance and a permanent joy that were not imaginable beforehand, but created shock waves that challenged every aspect of my external world. Most books on transsexualism or transgenderism are of two types. Those written by therapists, counselors, psychologists and psychiatrists, tend to be clinical and therapeutic in nature. Other books, written by those who have actually changed gender ( transitioned ), are almost exclusively tell-all, matter-of-fact autobiographies, covering the details of a gender change and abruptly end at the surgery. Although they contain personal reactions to life changes, they rarely focus on emotional and spiritual struggle. But the internal mission is the source of the external changes - the desire to be whole, to become genuine, and to come to rest in the place of love and contentment is the only way to outward fulfillment. We must be guided by what we know but cannot see. Transsexuals - those whose bodies do not conform to inner conviction and identity. They arouse curiosity, but rarely compassion. The label is colored by distorted images from the feared, freakish fringes of society, and is lined with distortions and apprehension. To some, transsexuals are bizarre mutations of our species, or byproducts of our perverted culture. To others, they are violators of God s will and are simply choosing to go against nature . Too few see them as real human beings, desperate to live genuinely, and longing to muster the courage to face the truth of their misaligned birth. Every uncommon phenomenon in our society is burdened with misunderstanding; but perhaps no group faces as much ignorance and resulting discrimination as transsexuals. And certainly no group pursues a more difficult, challenging and misunderstood path in our society. I should know. I am female; but I was born in a male body and lived most of my life as a man. Therein lays the main reason for choosing to write this book our common calling. This book is certainly about the journey of gender transition; but more importantly, it s about the challenges of our human existence, and the path that can lead us to greater contentment and fulfillment. My yearning is also your yearning to be free...free to be true to ourselves, to our destiny. My journey contains our common dream to live genuinely without inhibition, to love fully without conditions, and to truly experience the beauty, joy and wonder of our lives. Encased in my struggles is your story...the story we all share. Most of you are not transsexual; yet, I hope this book doesn t read like the unique tale of an imaginary creature. Because you are in this story every one of you. Inherent in our humanness is the struggle with issues that stand between us and authenticity. Gender identity was only one of the many issues I confronted. Your challenges may be related to relationships, abuse, career, fear, ethnicity, sexuality, self-worth or maybe just unfulfilled dreams. We are all called upon to fulfill the truth of our existence and honor our identity. My story is about truth facing it, embracing it, loving it and living it. I hope it becomes your story, too.